Nothing can make you happy. Happiness is the choice not the consequences of your actions. Result not always can change your emotional condition, but a choice you make will change the result. I never knew who I wanted to be, I never had a picture of my perfect feature life, and I still don’t. When I was 10 years old my mom asked me, do I want to go to art school, it was quite expensive for us at that moment, and I wasn’t sure about my answer, but I said that yes, I do. I think I said so just because I wanted my mom proud of me, that I am doing something that not everyone able to do and I wanted to give her the happy feeling she is able to give me this opportunity.
Art school accepted me, and it was a complicated task for me. Sometimes I felt bored there, I don’t like do something that doesn’t excite me. Luckily my art teacher is the best person in the world. He figured out that I am a complicated bitch even at age 10, and he found a way how to keep me going. He always told me that I have an eye and talent, many people try hard to achieve what I can do without any interest, with my eyes closed. One of the basic things that people learn in the beginning of drawing is the structure and the proportions. How to place the image using right proportions on the different sizes paper, how to keep a pencil in your hand, how to see perspectives and shapes. I never did, and still, have no clue how to draw using structure. I just draw, I just simply can see how to move my hand in the right direction to make a copy of the object on the piece of paper in front of me. My teacher gave me freedom of my actions, he directed me just by showing move, and I just remembered how he did it and store it my head and used this memory when I needed. He never gave me time frames, I could come for lessons at any time I feel so. I could stay at school till late night; have teas, cakes or whatever.
By the time of graduation at art school, I was in grade 10 at my high school, and I had to choose what profession I will study at university, and pick right subjects for the final placement test. I was in private law and economic lyceum, so 99% of my classmates were going to business or law universities after graduation. At art school graduation I had to create at least one massive oil painting, 5 colour paintings, and 5 graphic pictures, as well as describe myself as an artist. We had representatives of all art departments from each possible art connected university. I obviously didn’t pay much attention to my works, I just draw it in one week, because I was way too busy partying all the time, but I got my 98 out of 100 points anyway, and invitation from the biggest art related university in the country, Kazakh Leading Architecture Construction Academy. So this invitation in some sort of way made my decision what subjects to pick at the high school.
This year will be 12 years as I graduated from the art school. It took 12 years to realize that I can draw something that people can buy. 12 years after, I am preparing showroom of my prints at the gallery. I have spent 5 years at the art school, 6 years at the university, and during the last 6 years, I have never considered myself as a creative artist (and never worked by my profession officially). Anyone, but an artist.
What is this all about? I have just finished first picture of 20 pieces series of Cambodian temples. I hate Cambodia, I feel unbelievably miserable here. I decided to change it, I want to be happy, when I draw I am happy, I am stuck in Cambodia – I will draw Cambodia, so my love for the drawing have to win this battle against terrible reality.